Transition

Transition. So much is wrapped up in this one, simple word. I have received a crash course in transition lately. In the past two months I returned to the States for summer break and then back to Bolivia. It’s incredible to have two homes on two different continents with two very different cultures, but with that comes the dreaded transition back and forth between two places where my heart is and where my “family” is. 

          Coming home for summer break was a completely different experience from Christmas break. There was just enough time over the summer to begin to get in a routine enough to realize that I no longer have a “routine” in Indy. My life (community, job, church family, etc.) is now in La Paz. I felt out of place, isolated, and craving community in a place where I’ve spent 24 years of my life and where the majority of my family and friends are. After a couple of weeks of being frustrated by this confusing concept of “home” and a meltdown with my mom (sorry, Mom), I began to realize the root of the issue. I was basing my identity and happiness on feeling at “home”. When in reality, no place in this world is truly our home. I was seeking joy from family and friends and being back “home” in Indy. I wanted the people who know and love me better than anyone to know the “right” questions to ask me, to know when I needed a hug or just a listening ear, or when I needed space. I was putting unrealistic expectations on myself and those around me because I didn’t know how else to handle the isolation and “identity crisis” I was facing. 

          A couple of weeks before returning to La Paz, I finally took a step back and stopped trying to control my feelings, micromanage the transition, and put pressure on my loved ones to somehow make things easier. I realized God was teaching me something (well, a lot of things) through this season of transition. Here’s a few of those hard lessons: relinquishing control and my humanly impulse to want to micromanage things, relying SOLELY on Him to find peace even amidst chaos and confusion, appreciating others for where they are in this season of their lives instead of inadvertently putting pressure on family/friends to understand exactly what I’m going through or what questions to ask or when to give me space, openly expressing my feelings the best I can so people can begin to understand more, accepting that relationships WILL change and that it is ok, change/transition pushes me out of my comfort zone and makes me grow in all areas of my life, and most importantly, my joy, strength, peace, and comfort can only come through Christ. Earthly homes are temporary, but what joy there is in knowing that one day I will be in my eternal, perfect Home. 

          The truth that sometimes I so easily overlook is that we are made in the image of God and our hearts constantly long to be in relationship with Him because the things of this world can’t quench the thirst and emptiness that is only filled by accepting and loving our Creator. I’m so incredibly thankful that God has provided me with wonderful family, friends, and communities in both my Indy home and La Paz home. I truly believe he surrounds us with such “family” whether blood related or not, to help us through tough times, especially in seasons of extreme change and transition. This summer, once I began praying, talking to God about what was on my heart, and not putting pressure on myself or those around me to handle transition the “correct” way, it is amazing the peace and joy I felt, and as a result, was able to more fully enjoy my last few weeks in my Indy home. 

          I recently came across a quote that described transition as a project. There is no road map to handling transition perfectly. Instead, it is a process filled with many ups, downs, and bumps along the way. When I accepted that I needed to bestow grace upon myself as well as seeking God’s grace, my load became much lighter. What a comfort it is to know we serve a God of grace, mercy, and never failing love. In these times of transition, when there is no rulebook on how to “correctly” handle change and the emotions that come with it, it’s an indescribable comfort to have a strong foundation in Christ that will never fail. (And it always helps to have such amazing family and friends who are quick to forgive and show me grace as well on those rough days.) J

            I’ve been in my mountainous home for about a week now and it is truly wonderful to be back. It is nice to already have a foundation here with my community, job, and apartment. It feels like coming home instead of just living in a foreign country. I’m excited to meet my new kindergarteners tomorrow and to be reunited with all of my kiddos from last year. I’m so grateful that even in the midst of a crazy work week, only having five partial days amidst several meetings to completely set up my room, adjusting back to Bolivian culture and altitude, speaking Spanish, and being 4,000 miles away from loved ones in Indy, God continues to bestow peace on me and my life here even during the most chaotic days. We serve a pretty incredible God. J Looking forward to all He will do during this school year!

            Especially during this time of beginning a new school year, this scripture today at church was a good reminder to continue running the good race and to keep persevering:

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12

          So, if there’s anything I hope you take away from my thoughts, I hope you feel encouraged to keep persevering even through times of exhaustion or transition or heartbreak, because our Savior will never leave or forsake us and will walk with us every step of the way…all we have to do is turn to Him. We don’t have to and weren’t made to do it on our own. Thank goodness!